I am 30 today. To acknowledge and celebrate this milestone, I thought it would be interesting to reflect on some of the things I’ve achieved so far, which I’ve therefore listed below.
- I have grown very close to 6ft 5in tall. Unfortunately, of late, I have also grown horizontally. My right foot remains half a size bigger than my left
- I once baked a cheesecake for my wife for Valentine’s Day. Despite the recipe clearly stating otherwise, I thought I was making one like you get out of a freezer at a supermarket, but it was actually a proper cheesecake
- I used to be able to play the right hand of Flight of the Bumble Bee (admittedly, only at half the speed you’re supposed to play it)
- I decided very early on that pairing socks after washing them was a poor use of time. I believe I have been proved right on this, and commend the idea to you all
- I can differentiate any equation in any number of variables you give me. I also have extensive knowledge of most maths and physics formulae, extending well beyond F=ma
- Having had the same 14″ television since starting university, I successfully lobbied my wife for a flatscreen television. It only took 6 years.
- I have learnt not to alphabetize my books
- I taught myself HTML and created a 404 page that remains the most popular on my site (and which you can see here)
- I have thrown a 180, the proof of which is here. Even having achieved this sporting milestone, I haven’t yet broken 80 on the golf course and I only got mighty close to making a century at snooker
- I have gradually added to the list of DIY activities that I intend to do only once. The list so far includes wallpapering, sanding and tiling
- I could – and probably still can – quote most of Wayne’s World
- I successfully heckled Bill Bailey, in a positive and constructive way
- Amongst much competition, I have established a firm favourite when it comes to take away food. That favourite is pizza, of which I consider myself to be a connoisseur
- I can get drunk quite quickly but maintain my drinking levels for a considerable amount of time after reaching a drunk state. Also, I can’t imagine I was the one who came up with the idea of a pint with a double vodka and lemonade top, but it sure hinted at a creative nature I never knew I had
- I once became so familiar with a piece of software that I knew at least two shortcuts for it that required three fingers
- I have sewn on buttons to more than one shirt. I also owned a shirt that had the name “Jim” on it, despite this not being my name
- I have always been very good at noticing when a woman has had her haircut, and making appropriately complimentary comments
- I successfully established that OK Computer is better than The Bends, and have corrected many people who wrongly thought otherwise
If I think of anything else, I may well add to this list. But I reckon that’s pretty good going for 30. It’s not like Charles Dickens had written Oliver Twist by the time he was 27 or anything.